Sunday 10 February 2019

Helpful writing corrections by Ben

Study the following recent examples from your writing. First correct any obvious mistakes, then suggest alternative ways of expressing the ideas given.

In conclusion, the death penalty does not contribute in the enhancement of the society by reducing criminality, and certainly convicts criminals, who may be innocent. This punishment must be abolished in all countries of the world, because it is cruel and unnecessary.

In conclusion, the death penalty does not contribute to the enhancement of society by reducing criminality. Still worse, innocent people may end up losing their lives in the event of a mistrial. There should be no place for such a cruel, ineffective and excessive form of punishment in the modern world. 

What could be added to this paragraph to make it more persuasive? 
One common characteristic of experts is that they express their opinions, and with their knowledge and experience can demonstrate and support them. This lends them prestige, and indicates the fact that they know a lot about specific matters. Moreover, the fact that someone has the support and recognition of their colleagues proves that their opinions are important and that they are specialists.

One trait common to many experts is that they are not afraid to express their opinions, and use their knowledge and experience to demonstrate and communicate them to others. A case in point was the outspoken world-class physicist Richard Feynman, who conducted a simple experiment on live TV to prove that faulty O-rings were responsible for a disaster on the NASA space shuttle. His straightforward, irrefutable argument showed exactly why he was rightly acknowledged as one of the world’s leading scientists. 



How could this idea be made clearer?
Because, sometimes, some people are trying to trap somebody and get this person killed by faking evidence, the criminal record, the motive and the unfinished business of this person should be found.

There may be occasions on which innocent people are framed; in such instances it is vital that their previous conduct, possible motive and any other information be taken into consideration during the trial. The presumption of innocence is the cornerstone of the criminal justice system in most countries, and should always be borne in mind. 


What is the main problem here?
On the other hand, people can be very dangerous sometimes. They would might be involved in gangs, they would might be serial killers, which means they are committing all those things because it is their job, they might get very well paid or they promised valuable things.

On the other hand, there are those who are prone to dangerous criminal behaviour. They may get involved in gangs or become contract killers. In both cases they are most probably motivated by short-term material gains to live a life of crime.

And here?
The main reason for people – young and old – opt for joining a group is to have somebody that can understand, rely on and open up to them. 


The main reason why people of all ages choose to join a group is to find others with similar interests, who...

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